CHERRY CHERRY!

He should be there by now and I am so happy that there is no message from me. This is his time to spend with his family and relax. We are 5 minutes apart and they are a thousand miles + apart so that I can be happy for him. I'll be here when he gets back and that makes me feel lucky and sweet. I have done so good doing my own thing and just chilling out. I can be honest here because this is only mine. He needs to get himself in gear and make this happen. I can't
take any more waiting when he is a wink away from me and not here. I am so ready to give up
because I just don't think he wants to be with me in person. Or anyone. Im tired of guessing and
analyzing everything to death because I've done this before and for nothing. I mean it- If I don't
know how he feels about me by the end of the month then I am out of this and I mean it. I need
a life and I want something special with him but if he isn't receptive to me then what can I do but back away. Im not going to make myself out to be a fool over someone who won't give me the time of day so this is it. Jeff emailed me from Vegas with his laptop so Im sure Steve took his
along. I can't wait to hear from him but what if I don't. I'll do what I have to do and that's it. He
should be sending me a hello because he said he would. Im doing atkins for the summer and going to lose 58 pounds by end of summer no matter what. Im excited about that and I will be
looking good any way this breeze might blow. Im not going to turn myself inside out for someone
who doesn't know how they feel about me ever again. I came up empty handed with a heart smooshed into nothing and it hurt. It hurt me at such a level I won't do it again. I will not love
someone who doesn't love me. I will not do it so please Steve be every wonderful thing that I
believe you to be and make everything right. Make this happen for me because I want it to and I want you.