I'm just gonna do my own thing here.....
He'll be arriving back at Ft Riley sometime tonight I think. Im just making an uninformed guess so I shouldn't worry too much about it I guess. Im excited and counting down the minutes until we can be together and then I think he could have called me at some time during these two weeks and then I want to cry. It seems like this is all one sided and maybe it's not but I honestly would have no way of knowing. My chest hurts and my eyes are teary because I know where I want to be and it hasn't happened for us yet. Im not waiting past next weekend. That's it for me. 3 months is long enough to wait for a first date and I feel like Im building up a person to be my dream and answer to my wish and really I don't have a clue what he is really like. He could be rude and mean for all I know so I think it's best to focus on me instead of him every second. I want to but it seems silly over a person who has never held my hand or had a real conversation together yet.
He'll be surprised to not have messages from me- there are only two. I just couldn't wait around like a puppy like I did in May to be ignored and empty. He has to meet me half way to be with me and Im hoping he will realize how sad I was and frustrated and enough to not do it again. I don't know if he will care or how he will interpret that but hopefully well. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't contact him first anymore. My emails are going to be replies or nothing. I want him to respect me and love me and maybe more and throwing my heart out there like a silly girl hasn't accomplished anything except I know that he has a genuine fondness for me. But I want more and we deserve more because this is a good thing and I know it. I just have to be smart and cautious.
I watched the Homecoming program on Discovery and realized that I am already involved. Too much to walk away. All those soldiers coming home to their families and emotions were raw and I realized that this is where I want to be. It's a hard life and dangerous, but I want to be a part of his life and he is someone I truly admire and I would love him heart and soul I know I would with no hesitation. So... what can I do but keep busy and believe in this and believe in him that he is a man and he will come for me. I want that more than anything. I can't stay here pacing the floor counting the seconds though. I couldn't stand that myself, I just need to know that I am essential and that he's mine.
My feelings are so strong and real for me. And then I think what do I bring to his life? Stability, kindness, bellydancing, laughs and giggles, hot tender passion only for him, a partner so that he doesn't have to worry about providing everything, Im cool, Im very pretty, Im smart and sensitive, Im every good thing and I know this, sweet and easy to talk to, faithful and strong willed, honest and true. Self sufficient, capable, easygoing, softhearted, love adventure and most of the same things but Im kind of out there and exciting. Romantic and mushy and then wild and full of fury. I like me for the first time in my life I am content with who I am and who I have become all on my own. I have high standards and good morals, no kooties haha, everything is grand and Im 36, a grown woman and not afraid to speak my mind and ask for what I need. He won't have to guess or play games. Im a great mother and friend. I think I am the whole package and we would be happy together. I deserve someone wonderful in my life who will share a happy home, open his heart to me and love me and no one else. I believe I am worthy of something beautiful and my sweetest wish is that it's Steve.
He'll be surprised to not have messages from me- there are only two. I just couldn't wait around like a puppy like I did in May to be ignored and empty. He has to meet me half way to be with me and Im hoping he will realize how sad I was and frustrated and enough to not do it again. I don't know if he will care or how he will interpret that but hopefully well. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't contact him first anymore. My emails are going to be replies or nothing. I want him to respect me and love me and maybe more and throwing my heart out there like a silly girl hasn't accomplished anything except I know that he has a genuine fondness for me. But I want more and we deserve more because this is a good thing and I know it. I just have to be smart and cautious.
I watched the Homecoming program on Discovery and realized that I am already involved. Too much to walk away. All those soldiers coming home to their families and emotions were raw and I realized that this is where I want to be. It's a hard life and dangerous, but I want to be a part of his life and he is someone I truly admire and I would love him heart and soul I know I would with no hesitation. So... what can I do but keep busy and believe in this and believe in him that he is a man and he will come for me. I want that more than anything. I can't stay here pacing the floor counting the seconds though. I couldn't stand that myself, I just need to know that I am essential and that he's mine.
My feelings are so strong and real for me. And then I think what do I bring to his life? Stability, kindness, bellydancing, laughs and giggles, hot tender passion only for him, a partner so that he doesn't have to worry about providing everything, Im cool, Im very pretty, Im smart and sensitive, Im every good thing and I know this, sweet and easy to talk to, faithful and strong willed, honest and true. Self sufficient, capable, easygoing, softhearted, love adventure and most of the same things but Im kind of out there and exciting. Romantic and mushy and then wild and full of fury. I like me for the first time in my life I am content with who I am and who I have become all on my own. I have high standards and good morals, no kooties haha, everything is grand and Im 36, a grown woman and not afraid to speak my mind and ask for what I need. He won't have to guess or play games. Im a great mother and friend. I think I am the whole package and we would be happy together. I deserve someone wonderful in my life who will share a happy home, open his heart to me and love me and no one else. I believe I am worthy of something beautiful and my sweetest wish is that it's Steve.
posted by Nikki at 12:52 PM
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