LOVE YOURSELF BECAUSE I MADE YOU
Love yourself because I made you and I did not put you here to suffer....
Those words came to me when I was praying for an answer this morning. I feel like the only way I can have peace and not be affected by what that hideous excuse of a human being did behind my back is to walk away from my family and have no connection with my dad. I can't do that, I would break my Grama and Grampa's hearts and they would be disappointed in me for letting her win. I hate her, I hate what she did, and she never said Im sorry so how does forgiveness play out here. She turned it around to make me look like the bad one for holding a grudge. I think that this grudge is so valid I can only laugh. I don't have problems with anyone in my life at all, only people who violate my trust and I can't accept this and just let it go. I don't want her in my life, I could never trust her for a second, I don't want to trust her or give her a chance to meddle and stir the water ever again. She does any hurtful thing she wants to to all of us and then gives my dad some big song and dance and he believes her because he is weak and she is the breadwinner. I never thought I would say that but I feel disappointed in my dad for not ripping her apart for hurting me like this. He stood there and let her terrorize our entire family and make everyone miserable just looking out for himself. I will never say those words again because I love my dad, but I see him as a man with weakness in this situation and that makes me sad. My dad was always my biggest hero, he had the answers to everything and he was sweet and good, but she makes him look like a fool and what is he supposed to do throw away his security and whole life because she is dishonest? I see my dad as a man and not a God in this situation and that makes me really sad because I love him so much. And he did fight medusa for me many times. He always was a dad first and a husband second. I know my dad loves me and that's why I carry on. I won't make him pay for the deceitful ugly things she did. But it kills me inside to play her game and come around. Therein lies the problem that I just can't resolve by myself. I needed God to give me an answer because I don't know what to do. I don't know how to let this go and move forward. I will never trust her again, and yesterday proved me right once more. All she has is a fist full of lies and I just don't have any place for her in my life or my future. Not beyond good manners and peacekeeping for my dad's sake. I have a mom who loves me and understands me and she is the biggest gift of my life. For my children and my mother I am grateful beyond measure.
God gave me my answer this morning. LOVE YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU CAME FROM ME.
There is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself. Tina showed me that, even if she was wrong and made a mistake, "Im not going to take that from anyone". She may get on my nerves sometimes and I question her ethics but I respect her as a person and I respect her strength and courage. I think one of the reasons God put another strong nasty woman figure in my life is to show me another example of humanity. She's wrong, rotten at times and stubborn, but she does alot of things right too and she makes time for her faith and her heart is good. Sometimes I don't like Tina but I value the lessons I have learned from her. Alanna I just plain can't stand. She is the truest example of someone who feels cheated so it's ok to go around being a holy terror to everyone and her fat paycheck buys everything and everyone - except for me.
God gave me clarity I was desperate for this morning. Stand up for yourself, be honest and good and trustworthy. *Be* the change you desperately need in the world. It starts with you and you can more than do it because you are everything good and beautiful because you came from GOD. We'll never be close again, not enough to give her a chance to hurt me. But Im a grown woman and I have everything I need on my side, I can set boundaries, I can have self respect and honor, I can be strong and assertive when I need to be. And if need be, I will go down fighting because I believe in this cause. Im not going to let someone get the best of me again. In this relationship I can't let my guard down, we can't be friends, we can't be close. I can get along and be civil and good because I love my dad and it's the right thing to do.
Right now in this moment I know Im a child of God. I believe with no hesitation that he hears every word I say and every thought that passes. Thank you for helping me and loving me because I know that you do. I have something dear to my heart right now thanks to you and I want to protect it and cherish it and you above all understand. Amen and thank you.
Those words came to me when I was praying for an answer this morning. I feel like the only way I can have peace and not be affected by what that hideous excuse of a human being did behind my back is to walk away from my family and have no connection with my dad. I can't do that, I would break my Grama and Grampa's hearts and they would be disappointed in me for letting her win. I hate her, I hate what she did, and she never said Im sorry so how does forgiveness play out here. She turned it around to make me look like the bad one for holding a grudge. I think that this grudge is so valid I can only laugh. I don't have problems with anyone in my life at all, only people who violate my trust and I can't accept this and just let it go. I don't want her in my life, I could never trust her for a second, I don't want to trust her or give her a chance to meddle and stir the water ever again. She does any hurtful thing she wants to to all of us and then gives my dad some big song and dance and he believes her because he is weak and she is the breadwinner. I never thought I would say that but I feel disappointed in my dad for not ripping her apart for hurting me like this. He stood there and let her terrorize our entire family and make everyone miserable just looking out for himself. I will never say those words again because I love my dad, but I see him as a man with weakness in this situation and that makes me sad. My dad was always my biggest hero, he had the answers to everything and he was sweet and good, but she makes him look like a fool and what is he supposed to do throw away his security and whole life because she is dishonest? I see my dad as a man and not a God in this situation and that makes me really sad because I love him so much. And he did fight medusa for me many times. He always was a dad first and a husband second. I know my dad loves me and that's why I carry on. I won't make him pay for the deceitful ugly things she did. But it kills me inside to play her game and come around. Therein lies the problem that I just can't resolve by myself. I needed God to give me an answer because I don't know what to do. I don't know how to let this go and move forward. I will never trust her again, and yesterday proved me right once more. All she has is a fist full of lies and I just don't have any place for her in my life or my future. Not beyond good manners and peacekeeping for my dad's sake. I have a mom who loves me and understands me and she is the biggest gift of my life. For my children and my mother I am grateful beyond measure.
God gave me my answer this morning. LOVE YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU CAME FROM ME.
There is nothing wrong with standing up for yourself. Tina showed me that, even if she was wrong and made a mistake, "Im not going to take that from anyone". She may get on my nerves sometimes and I question her ethics but I respect her as a person and I respect her strength and courage. I think one of the reasons God put another strong nasty woman figure in my life is to show me another example of humanity. She's wrong, rotten at times and stubborn, but she does alot of things right too and she makes time for her faith and her heart is good. Sometimes I don't like Tina but I value the lessons I have learned from her. Alanna I just plain can't stand. She is the truest example of someone who feels cheated so it's ok to go around being a holy terror to everyone and her fat paycheck buys everything and everyone - except for me.
God gave me clarity I was desperate for this morning. Stand up for yourself, be honest and good and trustworthy. *Be* the change you desperately need in the world. It starts with you and you can more than do it because you are everything good and beautiful because you came from GOD. We'll never be close again, not enough to give her a chance to hurt me. But Im a grown woman and I have everything I need on my side, I can set boundaries, I can have self respect and honor, I can be strong and assertive when I need to be. And if need be, I will go down fighting because I believe in this cause. Im not going to let someone get the best of me again. In this relationship I can't let my guard down, we can't be friends, we can't be close. I can get along and be civil and good because I love my dad and it's the right thing to do.
Right now in this moment I know Im a child of God. I believe with no hesitation that he hears every word I say and every thought that passes. Thank you for helping me and loving me because I know that you do. I have something dear to my heart right now thanks to you and I want to protect it and cherish it and you above all understand. Amen and thank you.
posted by Nikki at 8:35 AM
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