The only thing that makes sense.........

Im the only one in this love affair. Im not a priority and what else can I do or say. I know he's a soldier and busy and not alot of time. I told him how I felt about this in a good way and not demanding before he left. There is nothing I can say now either he will make time for me or he won't. I now he's back and not on internet at all so he has to be busy and catching up with everything. He said we would have a date at the end of the month when he got back- well Steve that is today. July is Friday. This is so unfair and I just want to cry because I don't want anyone but him. Im not emailing him, Im not calling him, maybe he won't even care and be a relief like maybe I gave up finally. I feel like an idiot being sweet and being myself and he is not giving me anything back to hold on to. I feel so sad inside and Im mad and him and at myself. I've never even met the man how can he be the bad guy. I didn't have to flip all out and be obsessed over him I did that myself. He's so right for me though and now I feel like a total dumbass. He will call me up one of these days Im sure and what Im afraid of the most is that it will be right before he has to leave and then how could I possibly make a decision on whether I would wait for him all the while he is in Iraq. If I did and he turned out to be not for me I would lose the chance to move on. If I didn't wait and he really was the one for me then I would doubly lose. I need to know about him. I need to know alot of things because I already care and Im already involved. Im scared of being left here my heart pounding in love and not enough information either way to know what the hell to do. I don't want to cuss or be mad at him, that's not fair either. Im so confused now and this is not helping at all. I want him to keep his word and come get me because once he does he'll never let me go.