THE RULES
I just have to giggle. According to "The Rules" I have been in error by telling him how I feel.. Yes probably so, but we are not face to face. We have built a friendship and it's been safe and he is receptive to know that someone cares about him.
Im done being nice mushy little girl pleeeeese love me. I have to have a strategy here and this has served me well so far but it has to change now... I have answered every message, told him some important things so he knows where my mind is at... Our first date fell through 5 times when we actually had a date down and I do feel emotionally connected to him and he does too but he is holding back. I think he is relieved to know that I understand and he was worried what I thought when I saw him in his colors.
He's gone Tuesday am and August is my annual month to get it poppin off. I always slim down in august and in 1999 I got down to 226 which looked really good for being 5'11. I love this time of year and Sept is my favorite month in the year and I will be on my way and feeling confident and strong and beautiful. I know he likes me and respects me but I want him to need me and love me. I want him to ache for me and long for me and that won't happen until we meet in person for real and he kisses me. That's next and Im going to blow him away. I have the looks and the personality and the charm. I have it all and there is no valid reason why I can't end up with him and love him forever. I am enough and I have a confidence in myself that I would have never knows if I hadn't gone through a divorce. I really am my best at this moment. I just want the shape to go with it baby.
When he gets back it's going to be toned down. No more love letters, what's the big deal- just want to see if there is anything there between us... You didn't want me as a girlfriend and I had to accept that... reverse psychology... I had to let those feelings rest and come back down...all in the past tense... he will go for it.. if it's his idea -- and he knows that it's not going to be some fight off beat down passion thing, if we do get physical it will be only once and I hope more than anything that we do because I will die if he leaves and I can't have him, I don't know how I could cope with that because I would feel so rejected. I need to show him that I care but only after we have lost at all efforts of restraint. I can only do this once and that will be enough to hold on to. Then the song dolphins cry will truly be all about me and him. I'll be his best friend while he is away and the one that he longs for and dreams about. I want that and when he gets home it's the rules-- start all over -- and make this real. There is no one but Steve for me, Mike who I loved with all my heart he turned out to just be practice because he never even crosses my mind anymore. No one in this world is as wonderful as Steve is and no one could ever take his place in my heart now. He is the end all be all in my story and I love him and I want him forever.
Yes Im scared that Im 36 and running out of time and what if things don't work out and then I just lost another 2 years of my life. This could never be a waste of time when I love him and if I don't take this chance and risk everything I would never forgive myself. I will follow him through this war and be his best friend and wait and love him every second. This is where my heart is and he will let his guard down and let me in. I will be so irresistable he won't have a prayer. Im in, and no regrets. He's worth it to me, I never wanted anyone like this, I never saw so much in anyone, I can't walk away now because my heart belongs to him and he knows it. There is alot going on here now and he will open up and let me in. I know in my heart that he will. When he gets back from this tour I will be under 199, he is going to be the love of my life and I am going to be my very best for him, for me, and we will have our day. Yes.
Im done being nice mushy little girl pleeeeese love me. I have to have a strategy here and this has served me well so far but it has to change now... I have answered every message, told him some important things so he knows where my mind is at... Our first date fell through 5 times when we actually had a date down and I do feel emotionally connected to him and he does too but he is holding back. I think he is relieved to know that I understand and he was worried what I thought when I saw him in his colors.
He's gone Tuesday am and August is my annual month to get it poppin off. I always slim down in august and in 1999 I got down to 226 which looked really good for being 5'11. I love this time of year and Sept is my favorite month in the year and I will be on my way and feeling confident and strong and beautiful. I know he likes me and respects me but I want him to need me and love me. I want him to ache for me and long for me and that won't happen until we meet in person for real and he kisses me. That's next and Im going to blow him away. I have the looks and the personality and the charm. I have it all and there is no valid reason why I can't end up with him and love him forever. I am enough and I have a confidence in myself that I would have never knows if I hadn't gone through a divorce. I really am my best at this moment. I just want the shape to go with it baby.
When he gets back it's going to be toned down. No more love letters, what's the big deal- just want to see if there is anything there between us... You didn't want me as a girlfriend and I had to accept that... reverse psychology... I had to let those feelings rest and come back down...all in the past tense... he will go for it.. if it's his idea -- and he knows that it's not going to be some fight off beat down passion thing, if we do get physical it will be only once and I hope more than anything that we do because I will die if he leaves and I can't have him, I don't know how I could cope with that because I would feel so rejected. I need to show him that I care but only after we have lost at all efforts of restraint. I can only do this once and that will be enough to hold on to. Then the song dolphins cry will truly be all about me and him. I'll be his best friend while he is away and the one that he longs for and dreams about. I want that and when he gets home it's the rules-- start all over -- and make this real. There is no one but Steve for me, Mike who I loved with all my heart he turned out to just be practice because he never even crosses my mind anymore. No one in this world is as wonderful as Steve is and no one could ever take his place in my heart now. He is the end all be all in my story and I love him and I want him forever.
Yes Im scared that Im 36 and running out of time and what if things don't work out and then I just lost another 2 years of my life. This could never be a waste of time when I love him and if I don't take this chance and risk everything I would never forgive myself. I will follow him through this war and be his best friend and wait and love him every second. This is where my heart is and he will let his guard down and let me in. I will be so irresistable he won't have a prayer. Im in, and no regrets. He's worth it to me, I never wanted anyone like this, I never saw so much in anyone, I can't walk away now because my heart belongs to him and he knows it. There is alot going on here now and he will open up and let me in. I know in my heart that he will. When he gets back from this tour I will be under 199, he is going to be the love of my life and I am going to be my very best for him, for me, and we will have our day. Yes.
posted by Nikki at 7:20 AM
<< Home