MY FEARS

I want to marry this man someday. When I push and put him on the spot he is not receptive to me. Libras can't make up their damn mind and he's going back and forth like a swing. It's time for a heart to heart tonight and Im not calling him because I will cry. I wake up in the morning and Im lifeless and drained because I want him beside me and he's not here. I don't want to be email friends anymore I want him in my life and my heart now. What can I do except put him in the position of being the man and granting my request and take a chance and trust me. It is a matter of life and death, I do understand he can't be worried about me running around and making him look like a fool when he's getting shot at. If his mind is not on his job it could cost him his life and I understand that. I really do and he has heard and seen too many horror stories, he's been deployed for 10 months before and knows how lonely it is and desperate and is probably terrified of opening himself up to that. I would never do that though. I would wait for him forever because he is so wonderful. Maybe he is afraid of his own feelings and he just can't go there. He said in the beginning I just want a pen pal first and then see.. I know he is crazy for me and gently I have to show him that I am safe and trustworthy. I have to see him, I have to kiss him and I have to be close to him or I won't make it. I can't throw him up against a wall because he will run and that's hurtful for both of us because I would be his dream come true. He's going to miss out on the love of his life too If Im not smart and do this right. I have to put my thoughts down sweetly and gently and leave it to him to make a decision while he is away. I understand his hesitation but if he trusts me and knows he is safe with me he can't deny me and he won't be able to stay away.