AUGUST BOOT CAMP 299

Here is the truth- Worst last summer in Chicago after steroids for hives I can't even bear the sight of that miserable photo, huge, lost and broken spirited, current which is fat and after graduation at 180 and normal..

My goal is to lose 30 pounds by the end of August and I know I can do it. I have fucked around for so many years and now I have to get some results because at 30 pounds I look like me and there would be every reason for a happy ending. I need to do this once and for all and the main reason is that It is ugly and unhealthy. Im ready to do this for me and reap every benefit I deserve. And then Im going to go all the way down to 172 and that is who will meet him at the field when he comes home from this. I want this man and I am not going to go through the no confidence bullshit that I did when I was married the first time. I was with the absolute wrong person and he did nothing to assure me I was acceptable and loved. It was damaging and it's over. Steve is everything I have ever dreamed of and he deserves a happy confident healthy woman. I deserve that too and this is something I must do for myself once and for all. If he can look beyond the physical weight now, I want his reward to be the best I have ever been because I will know that his love is real.

He didn't have a lap dancer, internet was down for 2 days for all of FTR and he emailed me at 5:03 am this morning to say hello. Today was a good day and I emailed him 14 pictures of me and some were recent so he has a clear idea that I am heavy right now. I want to be honest and I want him to know me from the inside as well as physical. So there are no surprises now. I think everything will be fine and I feel good tonight because he knows who he is talking to now like never before. I love this man and I want a second chance at love and if I ever ended up being his wife I want to be the absolute love of his life and I can't be that woman unless I am confident, healthy and happy and that isn't possible at my weight now. It erodes who I am as a person and I don't chose this life for myself anymore. I want more and I deserve more and I love him.

I weigh the same now as I did in this picture. This is it and I was 30 pounds heavier than this last summer so I have already done really well. Im doing power 90 in the mornings and walking 2 miles at night every day through the end of August. Taking a vitamin, no phentermine, totally low carb under 20 per day and I am not fudging and fucking that all up by going over and having no progress for that too. Then Im doing the 48 hour cleanse once a week too and that really cuts the weight down and feels very very good. I can do this- these next 40 days are going to be the pivotal point in my life where I draw the line and get my ass in gear for a happy future. This is it and Im die hard serious now. I will not fail. I will weigh 269 when I meet this man, and then 249 and then 229 and fit into all my good clothes and then it's heaven from there. I looked really good and sexy at 229 and Im not settling for anything less than my all time personal best because Steve is my lifetime personal best. Im worth this and he deserves me happy and self assured and confident.