I dreamed we were together

I woke up so happy this morning. I dreamed that I moved over to hug my pillow and Steve was lying beside me on his side just watching me. He was there and I layed my head on his chest and closed my eyes and just listened to his heart beat. My head was laying down between the pillows and he kissed me so perfect I was on fire slow and full and mushy and I was in heaven. and then we were together and it felt so good and I was going crazy under him and he was so strong and confident and just right. I woke up feeling so alive and I was happy that my dream was so real but then I was sad because I don't even know him yet. I went from a total high to a total low when I realized it was a dream and now it's July and we still haven't met each other yet.

I feel so sad right now I could break down and bawl. It's Friday night and nothing. I will cry like a baby if I watch those Fireworks on the 4th of July without him. This is summer and it's almost over now and I have been waiting so long and Im so scared that I already love him because I know who Im talking to and he's sweet and very appealing to me and what if he doesn't want me. What if Im the only one in love. I won't get over this, Im scared and I just want to know that Im safe and he cares for me and he wants me more than anything - then I would be ok with waiting like this because it's torture. What if at the end of all of this waiting I am rejected. That devistation would just rip me apart. And I am beautiful I am everything but I am fat and my body is big and not sexy right now. I am trying so hard to lose weight and do Atkins and it doesn't work that well for me. It doesn't register because I guess I go over.. So tonight in my sad little fit I comforted myself with food. And now that it's over Im like what did I do that for? Please please spend the 4th of July with me. How could you not. That is the most romantic night of the year and how can he do anything without me? I will be so destroyed if he doesn't ask me what Im doing and want to be with me this weekend. I don't want to give up because I care I have honest attraction to him and I don't want to let go, I just can't be this miserable. It's more than friendship for me and I feel like we have made a start and I want to move forward. I don't understand how all this time has passed and he hasn't made time for me. That just hurts and Im back to wondering what are you doing? Do you like being so miserable? Why are you doing this to yourself. Because of love and being with the only one I want. I don't know how I could hang on after this weekend if he doesn't save time for me. I will be embarassed like I settle for someone who won't give me a crumb of his time. I want something real and I want him so bad. Please make this happen.