Im always sad

Im just wondering what am I doing? I thought we would be together and spend time together but he is drunk every night and it seems like he doesn't need me at all. I have waited so long for a nice guy and I want him around and i feel like I come last. I had a 3 day weekend this past and spend all 3 nights alone I just thought that especially now he would spend some time with me. I can't compete with alcohol and I feel like a gullible idiot because I believed every word he said and we still talk every day and I just wanted more. He doesn't want anything serious it seems and if im mean and back off then he will make his move but being nice just gets me nowhere it seems. I dont want to be nice. I want someone who is going to care about me and be around and here for me and hes not. I feel sad and confused and lonely and I get scared when im here by myself and im afraid to ask him to come over because hell say no. I wanted to bring him some dinner last week to the gate and he didnt want to meet me there for being drunk. I feel like im turning myself inside out for this and for what. We had such a good time together and our date was perfect and I just thought we would be together. I cant compete with drinking and I comfort myself by eating and this whole thing is just no good for me. My goal and all my progress went to dirt last weekend and now I just feel horrible about everything. I have to get a grip on myself and not be so affected by this and fall apart when he doesnt do what i need him to do. I want a husband someday and a friend and a partner and a shoulder to cry on sometimes and someone to be close to on a heart to heart level and as much as I truly sincerly wanted it to be him I really have my doubts now and it hurts and I have already cried enough and I just feel empty and isolated and sad. This sucks and love is defintely equalling pain this year. I need to toughen up and move on because this isn't good for me. I'll act like a shit tomorrow and who knows... I just want the man around me and in love with me and feel cherished and essential and why can't I have that?