WTF AM I DOING

Im trying so hard to not be affected or hurt by the fact that he told me he went on a date in July. But I am and I can't help it and this just changes things for me. I don't know if I want to go through with this now. I feel deceived and I don't know how to not feel that way because while I was saying be superman and how will we ever hold back and dont you feel lonely for me like I do he was really planning a date with someone else letting me go on and knowing how I felt and how I was waiting and assuming it was just me and him. Im just crushed, I dont want to be his second choice, I don't like feeling jealous and ugly and terrorized like this. All this waiting just made me so self conscious like the whole world was going to cave in if he didn't like me and now I don't even want to go, I don't give a hoot because I would have never done that ever to him. Im just gonna cry and be pissed off the whole night and this is our first date. And im so afraid of being rejected that I don't even want to meet him now. I feel really confused and we need to talk about this and how can I fight with someone I never even met yet. I swear to god I will never do some stupid fucking internet dating again. This has been a draining suck my confidence end up nowhere with nothing trip. I made him into some fantasy and he's just a guy looking for who knows what.