*G*T*H*!

This is so something. I told him to go to hell on saturday morning and I had just had enough after seeing all that crap. I was honest and told him how it made me feel and now he has been so sweet to me and we're going on a date on Saturday. I just adore this man and I can't help it and it scares me. Im so happy this this is happening now the way I wanted but im scared because what if I fall in love and then hes leaving for so long. I just feel like either way I lose. And I appreciate him being honest and up front in telling me he went on a date in July. Nothing obviously happened but when he told me that last night when he called me my heart just sunk. We got off the phone after an hour of giggling and cutting up and I just held the phone and stared at the wall for the longest time. So while I was telling my family he was just so busy with his job he was really talking to other girls besides me and took one of them out. It's not a huge deal because we arent together, but I was hurt just the same because I would have never said the heartfelt things I said, and I just assumed he was so busy with working and this must have been what he meant when he said lets play it by ear. There was about a two week period in July right before he left and it was kinda cold and odd and this is why. It hurt that he knew how I felt and didn't tell me that I wasn't his only friend when I asked him so many times what is this and he kept saying we were going out.. Hearing that was like a biting aligator going down my throat and I just froze, it hurt, but he obviously is bothered by it enough to tell me the truth and now making certain he is being attentive. There are lots of red flags here and Im old enough to be smart. I can't be so worried about how he feels about me when we are together but pay attention to who this is and could I trust him and could I respect him and love him. I just don't know, but we're gonna have fun and find out. I am so excited and a little scared too.