Wanna play with me :o)

Im just chillin out right now. I made a completely french breakfast (Orange Marnier French Toast) which was so very yummy and everybody loved it. Then made some cajun shrimp and sausage jambalaya. Made a carrotcake from scratch on Friday. Just taking care of my guys and being a mom. My focus has been elsewhere for some time and it got unnerving. Im doing incredible on my new way- dont overdo it at all and I will be doing my power 90 tomorrow. 6 days a week plus walking whenever. I love the way I feel when Im healthy, mind body and spirit. My romance became cumbersome and a downer most of the time because I wasn't getting what I needed. Felt like I was slamming my head against a wall and just felt confusion and nothing else because I know hes crazy for me too... I realized that I do understand what is up. It will be a long time if ever that we will have something real. I spent the night last night playing the what if game in my mind... what if ....

what if tonight when the whole world is quiet and sound asleep, what if I could tip toe out of your closet and under the sheets next to you. All warm and soft and dreamy. I would kiss you so sweet a million times all over. Mmmmm his soft chest and big arms all around me, shivers and tingles just to feel him kissing me all over like he did. I like to get down and dirty and he cought me by surprise and was so incredible. I want to hold his hands above his head and make out like a madwoman. Kiss him and lick and tease him until hes breathless and then when we cant stand it one minute more, give it to me like I want you to baby. Like only you can. I want us to have the most wonderful night, just me and him, and I know we will. He doesn't know im a bellydancer, he doesn't know that I cant wait to feel him behind me with his chest against my back and hold me tight and kiss me and make me scream. So dizzy and spinning and seeing colors and stars. I can't wait until he loves me down like a wildman. I need that, I need to show him how I feel and get it out and let him go do what he has to do. I know there is no guarantee of tomorrow. I want to make another night to remember. When he said this was the greatest night of his life, when he said that our date was the best date he had ever been on.. He said those things from his heart. It meant everything to me.

We're gonna play the what if game most definitely when hes on vacation and far away. Oh yes. Im giddy and feeling sheepy because this is a first, but he's my baby and ne needs to see that I have a wild side too. Just for him. Look what you do to me! No matter what he'll never forget me. I will make sure of that. Im backing away and focusing on my own needs right now and I know it's the best thing for me. I love him like a psycho, but I need some space too.