Dreams
My italian soldier is on leave and far away. I needed some time just as much to get in touch with myself and what is going on in my own world.
Love my life
Love my kids
Love my family
Love my job
Love my health
Love my hair
Love my personality
Love my charm and class
Love my whole world.
Everything is good. Doable. Im so lucky to be living such a sweet life. Im always thinking about more. Why can't we be together. Why can't this be for real and forever and totally devoted to me and a done deal and hand in hand together until the very end.. Im impatient and want what i want right now and everything sucks until I get exactly what I want. Then when I do, I start on something new. Never really content or satisfied... That's my old way. Never happy about anything, never enough. Never able to just hush and enjoy something for what it is.
What's up with me?? I've given up the Atkins circle of hell forever. Even thought about doing a week just to get back to where I was on 9/17 but no. That is not the right thing for me and if it worked I would be at my goal.
It's about eating what you love, not too much, and healthy good for both your mind and body exercise. I absolutely love the high I get from working out. Just walking makes me feel so alive and on and gorgeous. I resonate from the inside out how sexy I feel and I love it. Making time for me and getting the first things done first. I love being outside and just being a girl and looking really good. I have some real goals and plans. Im young it's not even over. Not a wrinkle on my face and no one would ever guess im 36/almost 37. I love my life and i want to live it the best way I can.
If I had my way, he would be here with me every weekend just for sex. I need it and I want it, I found the one who just flips me out and I want to be close to him in that way. No one makes my skin tingle like he does. I just dont want anyone else - thats it. But I can't drag him to my dungeon and have my way with him. Just wanna be mistress nicole but... im 36 and i need my man. That speaks for itself.
But I have all my free time, can do what I want, learn what I want. Have all kinds of crazy hobbies and answer to no one. I will miss this someday when I have a husband to take care of and a house that can't go unkept. Hell I clean whenever I feel like it and sometimes not even enough. I will miss my freedom when it's not available to me like it is now. It's a nice exchange though. I want to spoil him rotten and do a fun life together. But I also know that I have sometning really good to enjoy right now. Just to stop and realize that I have it really good now even if its missing the very best part named steve :o)
It's just fear of getting old and having no one. Of this part of my life passing me by and ending up with nothing. Sacrificing and doing without should certainly be rewarded later on. When the scales come back to center. What if it doesn't and I end up losing the thing I wanted most. What if he doesnt say goodbye to me and I never see him again. What if something happens and we only shared a night together and hes the one I loved most in my life? These things are what scare me. I dont want to miss out on my love story. But it's not my life story, its our love story and hes the man, he's the lead, hes the one who proposes, hes the one who says i want you to come up here and meet... hes the one who picks me up at the airport. I cant conduct this whole thing by myself or its only mine. If its only mine its a fantasy and not real at all.
Its time for me now. Time to get back to what I love. My faith, spirituality, health, bellydancing, being a woman, being gorgeous and someone to dream about and miss. Loves music and ND, a good mom and neat housekeeper, doing what I love so that im happy on the inside and not just focused on the one thing that I dont have. Im the shit, even right now today, I really am. Im special enough to end up with the one man in the world I love. He needs a friend right now, and I need me to be my friend. My battery operated fun park is going to be it for awhile because until this is over, he is who I love. Thats a risk I will take and not be bitter if it turns out differently than I hope for. I love him and he is my dream come true and I want to be his wife someday. Now is my time to be a good friend to myself and meet my needs and develop the intersts that I have. Now is the time to be a great mom to my kids because the don't have to share me at all. Now is the time to get my figure totally back and look like myself again so when the time is right he will see the real me. Who could resist her? I want this, I want him, but I want me more. I have real work to do and now is *my* time.
Love my life
Love my kids
Love my family
Love my job
Love my health
Love my hair
Love my personality
Love my charm and class
Love my whole world.
Everything is good. Doable. Im so lucky to be living such a sweet life. Im always thinking about more. Why can't we be together. Why can't this be for real and forever and totally devoted to me and a done deal and hand in hand together until the very end.. Im impatient and want what i want right now and everything sucks until I get exactly what I want. Then when I do, I start on something new. Never really content or satisfied... That's my old way. Never happy about anything, never enough. Never able to just hush and enjoy something for what it is.
What's up with me?? I've given up the Atkins circle of hell forever. Even thought about doing a week just to get back to where I was on 9/17 but no. That is not the right thing for me and if it worked I would be at my goal.
It's about eating what you love, not too much, and healthy good for both your mind and body exercise. I absolutely love the high I get from working out. Just walking makes me feel so alive and on and gorgeous. I resonate from the inside out how sexy I feel and I love it. Making time for me and getting the first things done first. I love being outside and just being a girl and looking really good. I have some real goals and plans. Im young it's not even over. Not a wrinkle on my face and no one would ever guess im 36/almost 37. I love my life and i want to live it the best way I can.
If I had my way, he would be here with me every weekend just for sex. I need it and I want it, I found the one who just flips me out and I want to be close to him in that way. No one makes my skin tingle like he does. I just dont want anyone else - thats it. But I can't drag him to my dungeon and have my way with him. Just wanna be mistress nicole but... im 36 and i need my man. That speaks for itself.
But I have all my free time, can do what I want, learn what I want. Have all kinds of crazy hobbies and answer to no one. I will miss this someday when I have a husband to take care of and a house that can't go unkept. Hell I clean whenever I feel like it and sometimes not even enough. I will miss my freedom when it's not available to me like it is now. It's a nice exchange though. I want to spoil him rotten and do a fun life together. But I also know that I have sometning really good to enjoy right now. Just to stop and realize that I have it really good now even if its missing the very best part named steve :o)
It's just fear of getting old and having no one. Of this part of my life passing me by and ending up with nothing. Sacrificing and doing without should certainly be rewarded later on. When the scales come back to center. What if it doesn't and I end up losing the thing I wanted most. What if he doesnt say goodbye to me and I never see him again. What if something happens and we only shared a night together and hes the one I loved most in my life? These things are what scare me. I dont want to miss out on my love story. But it's not my life story, its our love story and hes the man, he's the lead, hes the one who proposes, hes the one who says i want you to come up here and meet... hes the one who picks me up at the airport. I cant conduct this whole thing by myself or its only mine. If its only mine its a fantasy and not real at all.
Its time for me now. Time to get back to what I love. My faith, spirituality, health, bellydancing, being a woman, being gorgeous and someone to dream about and miss. Loves music and ND, a good mom and neat housekeeper, doing what I love so that im happy on the inside and not just focused on the one thing that I dont have. Im the shit, even right now today, I really am. Im special enough to end up with the one man in the world I love. He needs a friend right now, and I need me to be my friend. My battery operated fun park is going to be it for awhile because until this is over, he is who I love. Thats a risk I will take and not be bitter if it turns out differently than I hope for. I love him and he is my dream come true and I want to be his wife someday. Now is my time to be a good friend to myself and meet my needs and develop the intersts that I have. Now is the time to be a great mom to my kids because the don't have to share me at all. Now is the time to get my figure totally back and look like myself again so when the time is right he will see the real me. Who could resist her? I want this, I want him, but I want me more. I have real work to do and now is *my* time.
posted by Nikki at 11:04 AM
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