DID GOOD TODAY

Well I lasted until dinner on my 48 hr liquid diet. I had to have some chicken after work so went to KFC. All I had was meat so it shouldn't hurt my progress. I did 2/3 of my VA training so that is good. I have the last third plus the test to do over the weekend. I told Steve one more time the same thing. He has to make his move pretty quick because Im ready to give up. My feelings are strong and real and he is not receptive to me. I don't understand what he wants. I don't understand what this is. I feel like I just can't be teased anymore I want him and how is he going to be a man and not want to throw me down. I want him and where is he? What is wrong? I don't understand what is happening. He doesn't even know what is on my mind and I want to be with him and no one else that is what's wrong. I feel like I need to walk away and save me from myself because Im an open book, I love someone and I tell them not him but not far from it, I want him in my bed loving me loving him I want him and I don't understand this. I don't want to give up I want to be with him tonight and every night and I don't know what to do. Im so far gone- this has been drug out way too long and now Im almost afraid to meet him because I won't be able to hold back. Im tired of imagining and dreaming.. I want to be in love with the one that I love.

And all I can imagine and dream about is us together saying goodbye when he has to leave. I want to be physical and emotional and beautiful and tears and romantic. I want it all and only with him. I will die If I never get the chance to show him how I feel. I am so full of emotion and I want to share this with him. No one is going to do except for Steve and everything I feel is for him. I want to make love to him and belong to him and send him off knowing that he is loved. He is loved and wanted and needed by me.