I took a huge jump today and maybe not good

I can't hold all this in and act as if everything is wonderful when Im so blue inside. I don't know what he does or why he doesn't come for me. I don't like being negative and low but damn I want to be with him, I want to touch him and kiss him and be close. Why isn't he here I don't understand. I can't cry because he's not coming to comfort me. I told him how I felt and how I didn't want to go on with this and everything else. Not being ugly but being honest. I feel something here and I want to share this with him and I don't know where I stand. Im tired of wishing and hoping and coming up with nothing. I might love him and I know I would if he loved me but we won't know until we meet in person and when will that ever be. I felt like I had to speak up and draw a line or he would not respect me. I don't want to be without him, I don't ever want to hurt his feelings or make him sad for something he can't control. I want to comfort him and take care of my baby before he goes off to this mess. Let me be a little bit of heaven before he goes off to fight a war. He did come back and tell me he apologized. He could have been short or did nothing but what does that mean. I feel like I had to do that I didn't have a choice - I don't want to lose him but he has to come to me. I have laid my whole heart out there for him to do anything with and what I was most afraid of is this: The first time I really spoke up and made *** mad after over a year of dating he was so angry that he never came back. I wouldn't put up with his nonsense and he took off. Please don't do that to me. Be every wonderful thing I think you are and come get me. Steve is everything I have ever wanted and maybe this is me testing him. There was nothing and nobody before him, he makes all my boyfriends look like total clowns and I want him to love me and be there for me and be my man. That's what I want. I don't know how this will turn out. My whole body is just screaming out for him so maybe we do need a little break and he can make up his mind if he wants me enough to do something about it. I will be so devistated if he doesn't come for me.