It was all about Steve

Up until today this whole blog was about Steve. I love him and I must have said too much, I must have gone too far, I did something wrong I guess because he ignores me. We go from hot to cold daily and I can't take it anymore. I feel deceived and less now, taken down a peg, kicked off my pedistal and really really hurt. He was my dream come true and everything I wanted for myself and I missed the fact that he has a real drinking problem and evidently a major ladies man and no intent on loving just one. What I thought at the time to be the night of my life and the best date of my life, was just apparently a walking disease executing his game. I am devistated in my heart and I am so turned off right now I don't care if I ever see him again. What is it costing me to be in this relationship? The answer ... Everything. I get nothing but hurt in return because I told him how I felt and he laughed lol. This is negative and hurtful every moment and I think about how much I wanted this when I lay down at night and the first thing in the morning. One more night without him and he should be with me. He is not going to be what I need, and I have to accept that and let him go.

I have wrecked my body eating non stop to comfort myself because I felt so lonely here. I have gained 20 pounds since our date 3 weeks ago. I cant be a part of this anymore and I hate the fact that Im wishing he would just leave so I wouldn't have to feel isolated and alone. He is avoiding me now, maybe not knowing what to say, not wanting to hear it, not wanting me. I never deserved to be treated this way and he is stupid, maybe moreso than I was because we could have had everything. He is shut off and cold to me so what can I do but walk away.