Who am I kidding?

Im ashamed of the way I have allowed myself to be treated. He must think I am a total doormat and no matter what he doesn't do I will let him right back in. Hes been online today and no message for me. Not a word, and I asked him to be at Coyotes last night to see me and no... This is not someone I would ever marry. What am I doing? The guy has strung me along for what 6 plus months and one night we actually spent face to face and the other days were all miserable. He has teased me and played me and he must think im completely desperate which I probably am and this is no good. I am so lonely and unsure of myself, wondering what is so wrong with me that he would rather do anything than be with me. What kind of man would let someone go around feeling like that. I feel like a co dependent and im not even married to him. Hes an alcoholic and nothing matters except getting drunk. I can't do this anymore. Its too hurtful. He treats me like im nothing and it hurts. During the week when there is nothing else going on its all fine but on the weekends there is no contact at all. Im tired of being treated like im nothing. I dont deserve this. He doesnt deserve me. Is not even a strategy anymore I just want out. I want him more than anything in this world and he is not going to be what I want and need. And I can't continue to allow myself to be treated so badly. I dont even know what to say, I will probably say nothing and just move forward and let this go. I don't want to attack him and make myself look ugly and negative. I want to let him know that he has hurt me and I can't take anymore of this. I just dont know how right now.