I want to be happy
I went and did it again! Now Im sorry. I didn't message at all today and so tonight I sent a hello with song lyrics that reminded me of him DWB. It was funny and I put an angel demon and blushie on it too so it was funny, no drama no nothing. He was on there for half hour and didn't send me anything not even good night. Num Yo Ho Rang Gay Quo. I feel like someone beat my heart on the floor until it quit moving. Im searching for some sign that he wants me and there is nothing.
*Im making excuses for him, he is distant and not attentive to me at all and when ever he does anything here I come running like a fool.
*He is not what I need, it's not natural to not want to be with the one you care about. Its been almost a month since our date and who knows if I will ever see him again.
*I dont know if he just doesn't want romantic ties with me while he is gone for a year and feel obligated to pick up when he gets back or if he just doesn't like me.
*I feel like I have lowered myself and exposed my weakness and fear of being abandoned by allowing myself to be treated like this.
* I hate being negative, thats not who I am and this whole relationship has caused me to doubt myself and feel defective for some reason because he is with me but hes not with me for real.
* I want someone to love. I want something special in my life and something to look forward to and he is not there for me. He doesn't talk about his feelings at all and so Im left guessing every second. He was totally crazy for me when we were together and even before we even kissed he was up in the clouds so I dont know what to think, what to feel, what to hope for, what to do, what to expect, what to nothing. He is hot one minute and ice cold the next and its pissing me off more than anything. Im just not feeling like Im special or that i even matter and im afraid to ask for fear he will cut me off. This is not fair to me so I know what I have to do.
*Im making excuses for him, he is distant and not attentive to me at all and when ever he does anything here I come running like a fool.
*He is not what I need, it's not natural to not want to be with the one you care about. Its been almost a month since our date and who knows if I will ever see him again.
*I dont know if he just doesn't want romantic ties with me while he is gone for a year and feel obligated to pick up when he gets back or if he just doesn't like me.
*I feel like I have lowered myself and exposed my weakness and fear of being abandoned by allowing myself to be treated like this.
* I hate being negative, thats not who I am and this whole relationship has caused me to doubt myself and feel defective for some reason because he is with me but hes not with me for real.
* I want someone to love. I want something special in my life and something to look forward to and he is not there for me. He doesn't talk about his feelings at all and so Im left guessing every second. He was totally crazy for me when we were together and even before we even kissed he was up in the clouds so I dont know what to think, what to feel, what to hope for, what to do, what to expect, what to nothing. He is hot one minute and ice cold the next and its pissing me off more than anything. Im just not feeling like Im special or that i even matter and im afraid to ask for fear he will cut me off. This is not fair to me so I know what I have to do.
posted by Nikki at 8:12 PM
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