Putting me first...

I just bought a VIBRATOR. I am so happy and excited, I broke my last one. I might be blue broken hearted without my baby but hey I'll be feeling really good first. I have to put myself first* I have to be healthy* I have to feel good about myself, my body and my life* I have to feel like Im not missing out on everything just because im single**. When Eva Longoria said the best sex of my life was with my vibrator I just laughed - I know what you mean. Those endorphines are too far gone now. Dr Ruth said it is totally fine and healthy and good for you and so from that moment on I was good to go. Nothing compares to the real thing, I want a real husband who will be good to me and love me forever and be my man and be my baby. I am not going to sit here like some nun for another 9 years and wait. Im going to get out in my life and participate and the first thing I am getting straight is myself. Im not healthy weight wise and I need to feel good about me. Im making some positive changes, no more binging and dying of desperation - im fucking pissed off because he is everything to me and he is leaving for Iraq in 2 months for a year. This is our time and I want to spend it witih him. Who knows what he is thinking, or if his crappy non actions were intentional or not, but im not sitting here feeling so sad and blue all alone anymore. Im done and he can get on the wagon, or he can watch me stroll on by.